Welcome to my lair...

Be creative.

2007-05-17T16:59:00.001-07:00

go rot and die.

go jump off a cliff.

anymore to add?

Occasional Poem

2007-05-17T16:33:00.004-07:00

Funeral

I cannot see you in front of me
like a windshield with bad wipers.
I am overtaken
Fear, sadness, helplessness.
What happens next?

I cannot recongnize you.
You look neither like an angel
even though they have tried to make you perfect.
Nor can I search for your
young-loved childhood, broken dreams,
favorite pastimes, passion or warmth.
You are stone. Engraven your
presence and my memories of you,
deeply etched in my heart.

I hope He will take care of you.
I think He will recognize you
and you will find
what you’ve been looking for.
And you will be home.

- Marisha Perry

AIDS in Africa

2007-05-17T16:33:00.003-07:00

May 1, 2007
Poem about something in the world I wish I could change/get rid of/help.
AIDS in Africa

Your wounded eyes
cannot explain
what you see.

I peer through my
rosy frames my theme,
“I am well.
all must be well.”
Unaware and free.

Only if I knew
you say to yourself,
“Death, black, suffering
surrounds me now”

Just a child
tears fall
mothers fall
free the poverty-stricken

You’re not alone
God is with you even
though your family is not.
Not to worry child
they are with Him.
Let Him take care of them.
Let Him take care of you.

Wrap your fingers around hers.
Her stiff brittle fingers.
cold. Not sleeping.
You don’t leave her.
She’s all you have left.

Show me child,
give me some grief.
You stumble but cannot fall
Cannot be like her.
Not like them.
You are the survivor
five years old.
Receive a hug
smile a little, showing
your baby teeth.
Let Him take care of her
Let Him take care of you

Act out fight AIDS.

Sigh

2007-05-17T16:33:00.002-07:00

It's time to start over. Let go. Put it behind me and start FRESH. I just.. don't really know how to do that...?

Geez I can't wait for summer. I'm so sick of school. Entirely.

Oh geez.

2007-05-17T16:33:00.001-07:00

That post I posted.... was way long ago and that kid is rude/weirdo/NOT EVEN ATTRACTIVE!! So yeah.. screw. that. puahaha. not literally of course, that would contradict everything that I am saying. :D

I had fun...

2007-04-27T22:20:00.000-07:00

I went on a date tonite! I wasn't too sure if it was or not.. but it was! It was fun!

I'll write about it later, I don't feel like it and Dad is snoring/trying to sleep I feel bad. so yeah.

"peace"

Today:

2007-04-22T19:53:00.001-07:00

I think I pooped all my organs out.

-Had I known how to save a life.

2007-03-27T23:00:00.000-07:00

I should write in here more often.

I got three new shirts! They are what I consider as my "new style" and they are absolutely amazing. I got them at Ross for eight dollars each, that's why I cracked down and gave in to my burning desire. =] I've found that it's a lot easier to spend money when you have a silvery/sparkly piece of plastic rather than actual green moo-lah. *shrugs* but oh well, I don't regret it, and hopefully I won't when I go to Utah for Spring Break!!

Hm.. speaking of Spring Break, I'm so excited that I can actually go down there! DQ is amazing now. =] Even more so than before. I requested it and I talked to Amanda [one of my managers] to see if it was "approved or whatever" and she said that since I requested it I would get it off.

Speaking of work :D I am still front register. It's alright though, it's not that bad, not that good. I'd rather be working there than in the icecream making part of it. Cause they like never get a break. When there aren't any customers and they aren't going crazy back there, they are restocking, cleaning, etc. Sounds like insanity! But lately it's been funner because I will help out with the food expediting duties [taking the food out to customers] and whatnot.

Sophie just left today. We had so much fun!! and Irene was hilarious! Yesterday, We went to Far West Boutique cause Irene wanted to try on wedding dresses and Cassandra [one of the girls I take to Team Read who's hilarious] and Sophie and I wanted to try on prom dresses and such. And I tried on some pretty ones and then I totally tried on a wedding dress! I saw it on the rack so after the evil nagging lady told me to wash up I did. ['wash up' geez I sound like Dad!] It was beautiful! It had this amazing beaded bodice all the way from the capped sleeves to my waist and then it like poofed out like a cinderella dress, and then little poofs would gather with a pearl here and there and then there was a pretty train. it was over six hundred dollars with everything with it.. and well.. it was ALREADY PAID FOR! I didnt' notice it until I was taking it out of the thing and Irene hesitated and was like.. well we'll just be careful with it and so we were like whispering the whole time in there it was hilarious! Pictures of it are on Sophie's camera not mine [cause mine died *pouts*] I felt like Cinderella. It was amazing. *dreamy sigh* We went to Ross Dress for Less cause that's the main store Sophie wanted to go in and I totally bought those amazing shirts there.

Okay I'm sick of going step-by-step. The point is I felt like a jerk because we had no time to go to the mall and it was sad!

Oh geez, and Saturday night Cassandra spend the night because well the plan was: We were going to pitch a tent in the backyard and sleep in it and wake up at like 5 or 5:30 and go over to Heidi's house and 'abduct' her for her birthday. But instead we just stayed in my bedroom and dressed up with makeup, hair and wigs and creepy masks all night, made the mistake of sleeping for an hour and then we couldn't get back up so we just kept sleeping.

To make up for it, this morning we told Heidi that we were going to be at her house to pick her up for breakfast at like 6:15 or 6:30 but secretly me and CAssandra were planning to show up early at her house dressed in masks and pantyhose and such, and kidnap her. so we did and she was like "Wait let me get a bra!! I need shooess!" and then when I stuffed her in the very very back she's like "not a trunk!" and we were like "it's not a trunk" in our manvoices. it was hilarious. She was already awake though but it was still grand. We handcuffed her and stuff and everything. But she totally knew it was us and she was like " I totally should have expected this" Because she knew that we were going to get her on Sunday and we never did. So we went back to Cassandra's house and made waffles and whatnot.

Ugh I was so sick today it sucked.

Ooh! I might not be lactose intolerant beacuse I had like half of a large brownie earthquake blizzard and NOTHING. happened. it was amaziing. adn I've had some dairy since then so I've been good.

But I've been experiencing the capital C for like two weeks so it finally caught up with me and I had a huge bout of the big D.
ya catch me?

My body sucks sometimes.
I really want to get a new bathing suit! Maybe I'll get a cute one in Utah with the paycheck I don't have left *Scrunches up face*

We should brainstorm a rough list of things we want to do, eh,, ehhh?? So are you moved into that condo yet? Is it the one with the lighthouse room and stuff. I wasn' thate huge of a fan of it. I haven't talked to you in awhile, sadly!

I've been doing a lot of choir performances and whatnot. At the end of May we're going to Seattle for like four days to shop and to watch West Side Story and I really want to buy a pretty cocktail dress to wear there!

It's late. I have to head off to bed.

And I've realized I'm pretty boring, and I am monotone and I'm not that enthusiastic really.. but on the bright side, I can do a mean British accent!

try me. I'm the best. :D

this blog is random spurts of energy and exhaustedness. [is that even a word?]

the end.

One nocturnal son of a gun

2007-03-21T15:27:00.000-07:00

I got my first paycheck on Saturday!! Yeehaw. But I am going to discipline myself. 10% goes to tithing of course. then 50% goes in my Gesa Savings Account. [maybe every other paycheck will go to my Hapo Savings account even though I only have five dollars in there. Then that could go toward something else.. like leisure and then Gesa will be my college one or something...] and then the 40% or whatever goes in my Checking account. Woo.

$159.80.

When you split it up all crazily it doesn't seem like MUCH. But it is not even a week of training [3 hrs. each training day] and a couple weeks of work. My normal paydays are the 5th and 20th. Isn't that weird?! Yeah, but I'm like totally pumped + enthused!!

The first thing I'm doing with it is getting my hair foiled. It's about time! [Or maybe I'll just get my hair foiled in Utah?] Cause there's not a whole lot I can spend with a little over 70 bucks for clothes. Ohh.. how I want clothes. Man I wish I was rich. All my newest clothes are all worn and kinda stretched out and stuff. *pouts* Eh whatevs. I'll figure SOMETHING out.

Headache. + extra abdominal pain = eeeehhh.

I am so freaking busy lately IT'S INSANE!
feel like asking me about it? Expect to receive a few paragraphs of biased reponses.

P.S. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eiiU-Fky18s Go and watch that music video.

To be quite honest,

2007-03-19T01:01:00.000-07:00

it honestly pisses me off when people can't//don't know how to do their make-up right. rawwwwwr.!ASDKFJ

Watching: The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants

Doing: Homework >.<

thank freaking goodness for the 2 hr. late start. but still AH!

2007-03-13T22:13:00.000-07:00

Dad had to forge James's signature for Pam's birthday card.

Puahahhaa.

Well I guess didn't have to.. but sure did!!

blah

2007-03-06T21:27:00.000-08:00

I've wasted my entire day.

I've just been watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer and some television, although I DID take a shower, so that's an improvement.

I feel so.. bl;aksjd blhahh ish.
empty.

I feel myself sinking.
and i don't know why.

'Picture This:'

2007-03-04T16:31:00.000-08:00

Marisha Perry
2/14/07
Picture This:

My sister Kristin took this photo in the spring of last year in Ketchikan, Alaska. It was taken from her in-law’s back porch. Right behind their house, with the sun setting behind some Alaskan Islands and the gorgeous sky reflecting off of the cold, Pacific, Ocean. Many people think of Alaska as very gloomy and boring. It may seem earthy, natural and dismal from the surface, but deep down, it’s truly exotically, beautiful, and it can and will surprise you. I visited this past summer. Time isn’t of much essence there. The sun goes down for a few hours in the summer, and then it’s right back up again. Time waits for no one in Alaska.

This picture definitely captures the inner beauty Alaska holds, that so many people take for granted. When I look at this picture, I know that anything is possible. There are more than just two choices or two paths in life. The world is not painted in black and white. It is painted with a countless amount of colors, turning it into a beautiful sunset. This picture fills me with determination and peace. I want to go back to Alaska, go hiking, listen to the water rush down a fall, have the rain wash away my pain and renew my soul. But at the same time, it makes me want to do something. To make a difference, and to dive with my whole heart into something. This picture proves that everything has a potential for beauty and boldness. Even if it’s only shown once, all that matters is that it was shown.

What's your list?

2007-03-04T16:30:00.000-08:00

Marisha Perry
2/13/07 6th hr
To Cheer Myself Up I Could…

1) Sprint and scream at the top of my lungs in a wide, open field.

2) Drive fast to no place in particular while blasting music.

3) Buy myself something.

4) Impulsively go on a roadtrip.

5) Dress in my swimming suit, jump on the trampoline and suntan.

6) Finish a really good book.

7) Play sardines, kick the can, or hide and go seek in the dark.

8) Toilet paper someone’s house.

9) Make an elaborate meal and serve it.

10) Break as many laws as possible in one night.

11) Do the chinese fire drill even if I’m by myself.

12) Order just a water at a fast food drive-thru.

13) Watch a good movie.

14) Hang out with my friends.

15) Play Pump It Up.

16) Paint my nails.

17) Organize my room.

18) Use a coupon.

Flashback

2007-03-04T16:23:00.000-08:00

Marisha Perry
2/9/07 6th hr
Flashback

“Oh my gosh!” I cannot believe we are actually here! It’s only noon! And we are going to see Death Cab tonight!” I giddily exclaimed.

“I know! I wasn’t even sure goin to Sasquatch Festival would even work out.” Nicole stated.

“Too bad we have to wait in these stupid lines.” I groaned. We moved slowly down the muddy trail closer to the entrance.

“Oh sweet, I can see the Wookie Stage!” Scott announced. I was jumping with excitement, trying to see it from his height.

“Who are we going to see first again?” I anxiously inquired.

“Big City Rock,” Katy answered.

“I looked them up on Myspace, and they’re not bad!” Scott expressed. We let the badged men look through our bags and collect our tickets. Random people were standing to one side, slapping guests’ wrists. What is that? I wondered to myself. I walked over to investigate.

“Ooh, oh my gosh!” They’re giving out ‘Tobacco Smokes You’ slap bracelets!” I burst out. I ran over and offered the woman my forearm and with a decisive clap it curled to my wrist.

“Okay, let’s head over to the Yeti stage” Someone decided. Maybe ten or so people were already there.

“Spot up front! Hurry, before more people come and someone else steals it!” Nicole screamed and took off in the lead. I grabbed the warm links of the metal fence about fifteen feet away from the famous band, wedged between Nicole and this short, thin girl that couldn’t stop moving her body or wagging her bobbly head. Big City Rock was welcomed on stage.

“Ooh, they’re pretty hot!” I shouted to Katy and Nicole, referring to the band members. They introduced themselves and started playing. I hadn’t really listened to them before today, but I danced along, as much as I could with the limited amount of space I could fit in. After the third repeat I had it down - “I am just a man, man in a city, city in state, state in a country, a country in a world, part of a system, drivin’ through the city, stereo is on. People going everywhere, people getting nowhere, with a will to carry on.” I connected with the musicians. A few songs later they sang “I Believe In You” and every few times the song mentioned “with you” The lead vocalist and guitarist, Nate Bott stared into my eyes, sang and pointed right to me! I jumped up and grinned back.

After they were done with their songs, we didn’t stick around. We all ran off, trying to find their CD and exploring the T-shirt store. We had some down time, evaluated and decided who wanted to see who. Brad and Emily were going to see Matisyahu, while Katy, Scott, Nicole and I would hang out at the Wookie Stage watching We Are Scientists, and then all meeting up at Clap Your Hands, Say Yeah. And then from there, hang out at the main stage for the rest of the bands, until midnight. Having some down time, we walked around, becoming familiar with the place.

We walked over to the mainstage getting in the lower area, evidently the mosh pit, arriving early for the Arctic Monkeys. While we were waiting, I had to the endure the unpleasant musical “talent” of Pretty Girls Make Graves that I was definitely not fond of. We inched our way to the front of the crowd, and then The Arctic Monkeys came on. The crowd went wild. After the second song, moshing was inevitable. I was bounced and knocked around, hair, clothes, limbs, shoes tangling and colliding with strangers that were in my personal space. Someone’s elbow tried to jab through my brain, and the back of someone’s head hit me square in the eye. But I didn’t let that stop me. I immersed myself in the emotion of the moment, listening to the lyrics, jumping up and down, sweating from probably every pore. The sun beat down on our faces, making the moshing pit a sweat lodge. I clung to the back of Claire, we were separated from everyone else in our group. I had to keep my arms up, so I could pass along the next person that decided to crowd surf right above me.

I could go on and on for hours about this day. I could explain that Katy and I got seperated from the group for an hour or so, talk in detail about listening to Death Cab live, or that a few drunks interacted with us when we were separated from the guys. It was pretty intense, but it was one of the best days I have ever experienced throughout my life thus far. If I could relive any moment, it most definetly be would be attending Sasquatch Festival last year. But I’ve found one problem. I didn’t realize it that perfect day, but I found out not even a week after. Four words: Seeing Adam Brody live. He is the drummer for Big Japan, and Seth Cohen in The O.C.. But last spring, I hadn’t really heard about Big Japan. I didn’t know much about it, and I didn’t know he was in it. I knew he was the drummer in some band, but I never would have imagined that he was at the Gorge, in Washington, playing at Sasquatch Festival! Not only that, but he came on right after Big City Rock. I was in the front row. The closest anyone could get. If I wanted to, with the right velocity, I was so close I could have spit on the lead singer’s shoes.

I am a huge fan of Adam Brody, with he being such a talented actor and so easy on the eyes. And knowing that I would have been twenty-five feet from him, seeing him in the flesh, tears me inside out. If I could go back in time, I definetly would have stayed at the Yeti stage, soaking he and his music up, rather than pointlessly walking around. Now, that I’ve seen pictures online of other people at Sasquatch standing by him after his show, it kills me to know that that could have been me!

Just a few quotes that represent me & my life:

2007-03-04T16:22:00.000-08:00

Marisha Perry
2/8/07 6th hour
In Other Words

“There is nothing like returning to a place that remains unchanged
to find the ways in which you yourself have altered.”
- Nelson Mandela

“All that we see or seem is but a dream within a dream.”
- Edgar Allen Poe

“Sorrow is tranquility remembered in emotion.”
- Dorothy Parker

“You can see only as far as your headlights
but you can make the whole trip that way.”
- E.L. Doctorow

“lovers alone wear sunlight.”
- E.E. Cummings

“There are two tragedies in life.
One is to not get your heart’s desire. The other is to get it.”
- George Bernard Shaw

“The soul can split the sky in two,
And let the face of God shine through.”
- Edna St. Vincent Millay

“Fill what is empty,
empty what is full,
and scratch where it itches.”
- Tallulah Bankhead

“Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional.”
- Greta Randolph

“No man who has once heartily and wholly laughed
can be altogether, irreclaimably bad.”
- Thomas Carlyle

“Wouldn’t it be loverly.”
- Alan Jay Lerner

'My Personal Symbol'

2007-03-04T16:19:00.000-08:00

Marisha Perry
2/8/07 6th hr.
Personal Symbol

My Snowball. He is my baby, my best friend, my comforter. He is my fuzzy baby, bear cub. His fur was once a pretty, beige, cream-color. He has a squishy black nose and big, beautiful, black eyes. They remind me of olives that come in a can. My parents got him for me in Korea when I was five. I used to take him everywhere with me - To friends’ houses, vacations, sleepovers, probably even the grocery store. He was one of those bears that probably had a display saying “squeeze me” pointing to the paw. Everytime I would push it, he made a growl noise. Not a scary one, but a ‘I’ll always protect you’ one. It would get me every time. But I pushed it too much, and it wore out. Every time our family went on vacation, even if it was just for a day, I would manage to smuggle Snowball along with me. I would shove him into my pillow and whip him out and plop him on my lap for the car ride there. If my brother wasn’t sitting by me in the back, I would buckle him into a seat. At times, I even used him as a pillow. My family got so sick of it. They complained that he took too much room, I was getting too old for him and that it was ridiculous. I would just ignore them and hug him tighter. Even now, when we go on longer trips, I take him along. I’ve always said that he protected me from bad dreams. Any time I heard a suspicious noise in the mysterious dark, I would wrap my little arms around him, bury my face in his neck and feel okay about going to sleep. He made me feel safe, even in my dreams. I still believe that. Every point of devastation, I would run to him. He welcomed me with those big eyes, knowing what was going on, waiting for me, and accepting me for who I am. I would press my tear-stained face into his soft, thick fur and know it was okay to sob.

Even now, at age sixteen, that doesn’t change. But after about eleven years of use, he has imperfections. He doesn’t growl anymore. When I squeeze his right paw, it just makes a little clicky noise. His paw has been like this for years, and when I’m bored, I will sometimes absently squish it over and over. He’s not a pretty beige cream color. He is a dark tan, with the hint of the old color by his ears, neck and paws. I guess somewhere along these years, I must have spilled something on him, because a few locks of his fur are black and stiff. His stuffing is coming out. Somehow his back got torn open. I don’t know why, but I haven’t bothered stitching him back up. Instead, I’ll play with the fishing line coming out of his back, and shove my hand in the stuffing, playing with it. I guess I loved him too hard. But he’s never wronged me and has loved me unconditionally.

Snowball represents life. In my childhood, I was pure and innocent, judging no one. I was accepting to anyone who came into the picture. I was my Mom’s baby, my friends’ best friend or comforter. As I’ve grown up, I’ve changed. I’ve gotten hurt along the way, lost something special, been torn apart; tainted, I can never be the same. But throughout my journey, I have learned to love others’ imperfections, as they have come to accept and love mine. Instead of trying to fix them, I’ve realized that my flaws make me who I am, make my friends who they are. It would be selfish to try and patch something up or fix what has been “wronged”. But no matter how I’ve changed or grown, one of the best things in this world is that some things never change.

I am delivered. [the more I look at the word, the less sense the spelling makes.]

2007-03-04T16:16:00.000-08:00

Indentations on paragraphs and such doesn't work in blogger. That's kind of frustrating me at the moment, especially with my Creative Writing pieces. I guess I'll just have to separate them by irritatingly pushing the 'Enter' button. I'm posting more pieces up.

Oh and the "spiritual" quotes and such, were from General Conference October 2006 talks, because I have Seminary make-up work from. well .. last semester [haha woops] and it's not like I ever watched General Conference anyway *shrugs*

Listen to this song:
Delivery by Cherie Call it makes me cry.

Honesty

2007-03-04T16:09:00.000-08:00

Overrated? I think not. [most of the time :/ ]

Proverbs 12:22 - "Lying lips are abomination to the Lord: but they that deal truly are his delight"

"There will never be honesty in the business world, in the schools, in the home, or anyplace else until there is honesty in the heart."

"Honesty should be among the most fundamental values that govern our everyday living."

"When we are true to the sacred principles of honesty and integrity, we are true to our faith, and we are true to ourselves."

both quotes by Richard C. Edgley

_{After reading this I feel slightly guilty..}

Elder David S. Baxter [mostly]

2007-03-04T16:06:00.000-08:00

FAITH:
"Faith fuels hope. Our perspective changes; our vision becomes clearer. We begin to look for the best, not the worst, in life and in others. We gain a deeper sense of life's purpose and meaning. Despair gives way to joy."

"Faith is then nurtured as we allow ourselves to believe. Like all other virtues, faith is strengthened as we practice it, as we live and act as if our faith were already deep. Faith is the product of righteous desire, belief, and obedience. "

Quoted: "If there is a God, and if thou art God, wilt thou make thyself known unto me, and I will give away all my sins to know thee.."

SERVICE:
"The answer lies in helping to solve the problems of those around us rather than worrying about our own, living to lift burdens even when we ourselves feel weighed down, putting our shoulder to the wheel instead of complaining that the wagons of life seem to be passing us by. "

"Stretching our souls in service helps us to rise above our cares, concerns, and challenges. As we focus our energies on lifting the burdens of others, something miraculous happens. Our own burdens diminish. We become happier. There is more substance to our lives."

CONSTANCY:
"There are days, perhaps even months and years, when life is just hard. We experience our fair share of adversity, heartache, loneliness, pain, grief—sometimes, it seems, more than our fair share. What to do when adversity strikes? There is only one thing to do. Stand steady and see it through. Stay steadfast, constant, and true"

"At these moments of crisis and challenge, some choose to abandon faith just at the time when it most needs to be embraced. Prayer is ignored at the very hour when it needs to be intensified. Virtue is carelessly tossed aside when it needs to be cherished. God is forsaken in the all-too-human yet mistaken fear that He has forsaken us."

Quoted: "We are troubled on every side, yet not distressed; we are perplexed, but not in despair"
"Persecuted, but not forsaken; cast down, but not destroyed."

OTHER:
"The challenges you face, the growth experiences you encounter, are intended to be temporary scenes played out on the stage of a life of continuing peace and happiness. Sadness, heartache, and disappointment are events in life. It is not intended that they be the substance of life. I do not minimize how hard some of these events can be. When the lesson you are to learn is very important, trials can extend over a long period of time, but they should not be allowed to become the confining focus of everything you do. Your life can and should be wondrously rewarding. ... That perspective keeps challenges confined to their proper place—stepping-stones to further growth and attainment. "
-Richard G. Scott

Unfinished Sentences - Autobiography

2007-02-28T23:31:00.000-08:00

Marisha Perry
2/5/07 6th hour
Unfinished Sentences

I usually worry about… my future. I have no idea what I want to be when I grow up and I’m secretly terrified of leaving everyone behind for something bigger.

I feel angry when… nobody understands me. When I’m sure of what I need in my life, my parents always seem to disagree. Just because they’re parents, doesn’t mean they know what’s best for everyone around them. I just boil inside when I don’t even have a chance to explain my case, and I’m completely dismissed.

I’m moody when… I have a bad morning. My entire day is just off and everything seems to go wrong. Some call it waking up on the wrong side of the bed. I call it waking up and everything bad happens. I swear, on those days, every single thing that happens can change my mood completely. It continually goes to a high to a low in seconds.

I’m happiest when… I’m around my family. We are so goofy when we’re all together, and it’s just so fun. We are so open about many things most families aren’t. Our conversations and personalities are so raw when we’re all toghether. It’s refreshing, and I feel at peace with myself.

I feel confident when… I listen to upbeat music (when I’m in the mood for it) that I can relate to at the time. It usually ends up being country or chick music. I feel less alone at what I’m going through in my life, get a huge burst of energy and I feel on top of the world! Like I can conquer anything.

I feel frustrated when… I don’t understand something. Math has always been a struggle for me, and when I don’t grasp a concept I feel tortured and I almost drive myself to insanity. I can’t stand it.

I feel depressed when… I look back on all my memories of my childhood. Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely love recalling old memories, but knowing that I can never have those moments again in my life, depresses me. They’re just memories after all, warm and happy as they are, but the simplicity of that time in life has faded. I’ve grown up, and so have the people around me.

I am comfortable when… I am warm in my pajamas. There’s nothing better than nestling up next to a hot fireplace, in my pajamas, bundled up in a thick comforter. Whether I fall asleep or listen to music contently, I could lay there for hours.

I feel nervous when… I’m out of my comfort zone. Most of the time, it takes a lot for me to reach outside of my zone. And when I do, for no real reason, I get all shaky, fidgety and I forget to breathe. I’m definetly not a fan of being nervous.

I feel sentimental when… I dig into my “special” box. It holds letters or objects that trigger strong and meaningful memories. I love to run my fingers over them and hold them in my hands. When I do, the story of that object rush back to me. I feel the old world surrounding me, and I remember.

'My Sensory Experience' - Autobiography

2007-02-28T18:47:00.000-08:00

Marisha Perry
2/1/07 6th hr
My Sensory Experience

“Yeah, just drop us off at the park. That’s fine,” I announced to Katy’s mom.

“But it’s raining! Are you sure?”

“Yeah, we’ll just walk back to our house if we get cold,” Katy suggested.

I thrusted open the heavy sliding door with the momentum of my body. As soon as I jumped out of the silver minivan the smell of dampened concrete filled my nostrils. Mmm, I love the smell of rain, I thought to myself. “Come on! Let’s play on the toys!” I yelled above the clap of the precipitation.

I ran toward the bright colored playground and had the sudden urge to slip down the twirly, orange slide. As I desperately climped up to it, my platform sandals voiced a thousand squeaks against the dark blue plastic. “Aha! I made it!” I exclaimed to the world. I sat above the slide, under a little plastic dome shelter. I leaned against the wall and squinted at the writing in front of my face. “L <3’s trevor =" <3”"Who would want to bother scraping that up here? I thought, confused.

All of a sudden, I got the cold chills, shivered and gave myself a push start. Not much of a start, I realized. I was stuck. My dry clothing stuck to the surface of the wet slide. I gripped the thick, slimy edges of the toy and scooted myself about a centimeter. My rubber soles stopped me. A deep laugh escaped my throat. “I give up!” I shouted with a smile. I thrust my hands up and laid back; I felt my spine and goosebumped arms against the chilled, hollow plastic. Water droplets fell into my mouth. “Okay last try,” I promised. After three minutes with much effort, I twisted myself over onto my stomach where I was temporarily stuck again. My face was uncomfortably smashed directly into the slide. I saw a world of orange. I tasted the moist plastic in my mouth. “Okay it’s time!” I lifted up my feet and didn’t exactly “zoom” down the slide the wrong way. “Woo!” I screamed with delight.

I sprinted out onto Desert Hills Field and threw my body onto the lush ground. The wet blades of grassed, soaked through my shirt. Katy appeared by me. “This is so amazing. I love the rain.” I spoke aloud. The grass itched my sticky neck. I ignored it. I rubbed my hand over the grass, held it up to my face and then wiped my dripping hand on a seemingly dry patch of denim on my thigh.

“I know what you mean…” She said with a sigh. I gazed up into the crying grey-blue sky with nothing more said between us. It was hard to keep my eyelids open at first. Rain found its way into my eyes. I closed them and took a deep breath. I listened to the comforting tap-tap-tap of each droplet falling on and around me. Every uncovered part of my body was slippery from the precipitation. I felt cold no more. I exhaled and looked to the wonder above our heads. And for one brief moment, time stopped. All there was in the world at that moment was me laying in a wet, grassy field, with the rain falling. I wasn’t cold. I wasn’t warm. Nothing mattered. Time was of no importance. My mind was blank and my heart was full. My soul was 100% content – I had completely lived in the moment.

'Prologue' - Autobiography

2007-02-28T18:36:00.000-08:00

Marisha Perry
1/28/07 6th hour
Reaching For the Stars

I’m Marisha. I am just a sixteen year old girl looking for her own piece of mind. To start off my autobiography, I am to introduce myself gracefully to start off my story. I’m not the most graceful person, but I’ll do my best.

I chose this title, “Reaching For the Stars” because I want to achieve great things and make something of my life. I want to travel the world and make a difference. I’m sure a countless amount of people say something to that effect, but I mean it and I will. The way I see it, even when I have attained a high point in my life, there is always something extra to reach for. I am going to reach my full potential by the time my turn is over. I believe that everything happens for a reason, and the way a person reacts to those things determines who he is and who he will be. Every person needs to know that there is always something out there waiting just for him; better or worse, it’s that persons own choice to reach for the stars and grab it.

More literally, I thrive on stargazing. Every now and then I’ll just lay out on a trampoline or in a park and search the stars. At times they feel so close I can almost physically touch them. They fascinate me, and I’m sure they always will. When I look at the stars I know that everything I want to experience is possible. I believe we all have a story. We can choose to write it for ourselves or someone else will. Every story is worth mentioning. And this is the story of my life.

Well..

2007-02-16T21:39:00.000-08:00

I guess that was that.

just like that.

UGH! One regret when I think about it..

2007-02-11T22:48:00.000-08:00

Big Japan at Sasquatch Festival last year on Yeti.

This totally COULD have been me!

But no, I had to not know about Big Japan, and not stick around on that stage, in the FRONT ROW leaning against the fence, gripping the chain links, looking into the eyes of the hot lead musician. I could for Big City Rock, but not for Big Japan. I wish I would have known about it. GRR. I missed it. How excruciating.

[lol]

Title of Liberty [Apr 4,2006]

2007-02-08T00:13:00.000-08:00

Title Of Liberty

Can I wish upon this star?
And make this wish
come true?
Would you be okay with that
If I sometimes dream of you?

We lay upon the
dew-wet grass
On this December night.
Underneath the sea of stars
fond memories of us
are framed into our mind.

This moment seems just perfect
one that will last us through our lives
The beat of our hearts
Syncronized breathing
Is this really the last time?

Can I wish upon this star?
And make this wish
come true?
Would you be okay with that
If I just dream of you?

Our time used to be so special
Why did we let it slip away?
You didn't call
I didn't call

"just too different"
We stand still,
then walk away
Scared
Of what could have been.

Here I walk
down my gravel pathway
Glance over my shoulder
Your beautiful silhouette
is kicking up dust
into your future.
What have I done?

And so I realize ~ My title of liber-ty:
If I could wish upon one star
and have my dream come true
I would wish that we could be
a "we", for our eternity

I found you
Your eyes no longer warm
You built a fort
around your heart
Don't seem to discover that
I'm knocking on the door.

Can I wish upon this star?
And make this wish
come true?
Would you be okay with that
If I only dream of you?

Last night you tried to hide
What you felt
What you feel
Our faces are so close
Your breath, my breath
Our breath
This just seems so right
I see it in your eyes.

Gaze into the starlit sky
without me
Wish upon that star, baby
Maybe you'll find your answer.

Do you still dream of me?

Hrrrmph.

2007-02-07T21:15:00.000-08:00

Not happy here.
Well not happy

Not now.. who knows when I will be again.

*shrugs*

Miss you.
Miss a lot of people. =[

I feel like I just threw everything away. For this. For how I am NOW. And that tears me up inside. I'm in the 90 percentile of sureity that I'm going to move to Utah for the summer.

Life shouldn't have to be this hard. Maybe I just did it to myself.

Why do I have a such a fickle personality?

2007-01-22T22:17:00.000-08:00

So I'm not completely sure anymore if I really do want to move to Utah. I know that I would have to decide soon. As in.. being like tomorrow at the latest. I would live with April or Kristin and John, and I'd be able to get really close to them before they all moved away. By the time I graduate high school and I enroll in BYU, April will be the only one still there, and we wouldn't even be together very much. I want to hang out before they all move away *Tear* But I know that if I DON'T do it by second semester than I will go for Spring Break most definetly. Because I'm not going to Disneyland or going to the beach and I wanna have a heck of a fun time! I was thinking me and some friends could go down to Utah, stay there and drive down to Phoenix and hang out w/ Cody and John and go like sand boarding. Since I'll be missing out on Californian beaches I wanna live it up someplace warm and totally soak up the sun. Maybe summer? I don't know what I want anymore. i wanted to go to Utah to get happier, to be more with family, possibly therapy, enjoy church again, maybe take institute or take colleges classes?

Need presents to put under the Christmas tree!

2006-12-03T14:02:00.000-08:00

Christmas List 2006

Black 30GB Video Ipod
Kitten
Puppy
Laptop ~ good quality
Motor Scooter
Vietnamese pig ~ pinky white
Punching Bag ~ full size, cute design maybe?
Boxing Gloves ~ Big Five
Self Defense Classes ~ want to be fit, muscles, most def.
Horse/Riding lessons
T.V. Box Seasons ~ The O.C. - Season 3
~ Lost - Seasons 1 & 2
~ Family Guy – not volume 3
~ Seinfeld
~Friends
DVDs ~ X-men trilogy, She’s the Man, Pride and Prejudice, Just Like Heaven, John Tucker Must Die, Pride and Prejudice, The Phantom of the Opera, Sweet Home Alabama, Mean Girls, The Notebook, Cry_Wolf, Just My Luck, Bride and Prejudice, Lord of the Rings trilogy, Elf, Legally Blonde, Bring It On, Grease
Clothes:
Jeans ~ 2L skinny leg jeans -AF/AE
~ 2L light blue jeans -AF/AE
Sweatshirt ~ not pink, red, black – AF/AE/Hollister
Alloy pictures
CDs ~ The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus
~ Soundtracks: - RENT
- Evanescence
- Sherie Call
- Derek
Voice lessons
Car decorations ~ fuzzy steering wheel cover – rainbow or something, something to hang on the mirror, stickers, etc.
Shampoo & Conditioner ~ Salon
Victoria’s Secret lotion ~ Pure Seduction
Bath & Body Works hand sanitizer ~ Sun-ripened Raspberry
Piano Book ~ EFY Shine the light, Other good music artists
Cellular telephone Cover ~ cute one I’ll like!

Resolution?

2006-11-16T22:34:00.000-08:00

I want to write a novel.

Boring.

2006-11-12T19:37:00.000-08:00

Things are boring here. I'm sick of the same old, same old. The dramatic speeches, the boring fragment repeats of every single day.

I need to break out of the system.

Start something new. Just figure out what.

I miss you!! And everyone else. I absolutely CANNOT WAIT until Thanksgiving. I can't wait to spend quality time with everyone, and break out and have some fun!

Homecoming 2006 - you said you wanted tonz of pictures.

2006-10-01T23:00:00.000-07:00

T'was superfun. We met at Katy's at 3:00 to get ready

There were four of us. Nicole, Katy, Becka and I. We took pictures at like 5:30.
[the can-can!]
and then we all headed over to Mongolian!! YUMMMYYYY.
PUAHAHAHA!! So then we boxed up our food put on our lipgloss "> and got ready and left. ">

I'm tired. more to come. And that's not even the half of it! ~ Yes we documented this on like 4 different cameras. Your welcome. I'll finish it soon.

I guess I'll have to take the bad with the good..

2006-09-20T16:04:00.000-07:00

Homecoming on September 30, 2006? as if. [Don't tell anyone I just said that] But on a better note, I am having my own wild homecoming celebraccion! [So I convert English words into having Spanish endings, deal with it!] Nicole, Katy, hopefully Becka, and I are going to eat at some fancy place, such as The O.G. or something good. Then, we're going to head over to the delightfuly fun, fresh-aired Celebrity Bowl where we'll play a few games or so, in *Dundundun* Our Homecoming dresses! Yeah that's right. We're getting all dressed up to go to dinner, bowling.. oh yeah, and did I mention we're going to a movie/renting one after that as well? I'm so pumped! So I just need to figure out how to do my hair myself. I suppose I'll have to play around with it for a while. And I'll probably have to pick James up from the airport.

But on the sad side, I won't be able to venture into Utah. *Pouts* I didn't even know Mom and Dad planned this little family vacation until very recently. Meh.

So my dress was only 48 dollars, I got it at Mariposa, it's brown and cuuuute, and has flowers and is trimmed with satin creme lace. yippie! BUT. I'm so pissed off right now, and I don't even want to go. We cannot find a brown that's the same shade or material as my dress. And Mom isn't about to let me wear it "immodestly" which really pisses me off, cause I'm not wearing a hideous jacket. So Mom was like, OOoh, do this!: Get lace, itchy creme colored material and slap it on for cap sleeves. I'm depressed about this now. asl;kajsdf;lasdkj! And frustrated. I hate it. I hate it so much.

Call me a brat. Or ungrateful.
I'd rather wear it immodestly then wear it how it will probably eventually turn out. It's not even pretty anymore. In fact, now I rather hate it.
I hate not having my own free will. I really don't. I can only choose between things that have already been chosen. Am I making sense? Now i'm in a bad mood.
Whoever said journal writing makes you feel better?
Freakin a.

Stress management?

2006-09-19T22:17:00.000-07:00

Pretty much stressed out of my mind.
Everyday:
School + 7th hour = 7.5 hours of school
Today:
School + Babysitting for 3 hours + piano practice for one hour.
I came out of school completely exhausted, wanting to go to sleep, but of course, I had to drudge over to the neighbor's house to babysit this adopted like ADHD/ADD ? five year old girl who is bouncing off the walls and won't leave me alone. Mleadkh! Lets just say, I was about to blow my brains out, as horrible as that may sound; it's very true.
Then after I came home, starving, I realized I had to practice piano for three hours.
[To get school credit I must practice five hours a week, and well... I'm not exactly a genius at managing my time. I had already practiced 2 and a half hours [I didn't find that out til later, I thought I had only practiced one hour and a half so far] Oh yeah, and don't forget, my piano lesson is tomorrow. *pouts* After not even practicing a full hour, I broke down in tears and I sobbed for like 30 minutes, trying to choke it down because I still had to tickle those darn ivories. after 10 minutes of still trying to practice I swore off piano and gave up to my grief. Then someone rang the doorbell. Imagine my state of appearance. I ran to the bathroom, Yelled "hold on a second!" smudged the already smudged makeup around my face, attemping to get it off. I got to the door and it was Jana Kay! I wasn't exactly ecstatic to see her, but I kind told her what was up. She didn't necessarily make me feel any better, and I don't think she really got why I was crying, but just talking to some human being in this universe [Mom and Dad were out] cheered me up a bit.
A bit.
Tomorrow is early release Wednesday, I get out at 1:00, no Team Read. I'll have an hour and a half before Mom's piano student comes, and maybe, just maybe, I'll get to hang out before my dooming piano lesson at 4:30
Piano practice this week so far: 3 hours 30 minutes
How much to go: 1 hour and 30 minutes.
Perfect.

It's not my fault.

2006-09-18T18:58:00.000-07:00

So April pretty much made me get this. So.. hopefully I actually get around to writing in it. But I have to get off right now, and do my stupid Mythology homework, which I despise. I'll make this pretty later.
BBL
TTYL
TTFN
BRB
CYL
LYL
LY
ILY
G2G
Whatever happened to just..Goodbye?