Why do I have a such a fickle personality?

So I'm not completely sure anymore if I really do want to move to Utah. I know that I would have to decide soon. As in.. being like tomorrow at the latest. I would live with April or Kristin and John, and I'd be able to get really close to them before they all moved away. By the time I graduate high school and I enroll in BYU, April will be the only one still there, and we wouldn't even be together very much. I want to hang out before they all move away *Tear* But I know that if I DON'T do it by second semester than I will go for Spring Break most definetly. Because I'm not going to Disneyland or going to the beach and I wanna have a heck of a fun time! I was thinking me and some friends could go down to Utah, stay there and drive down to Phoenix and hang out w/ Cody and John and go like sand boarding. Since I'll be missing out on Californian beaches I wanna live it up someplace warm and totally soak up the sun. Maybe summer? I don't know what I want anymore. i wanted to go to Utah to get happier, to be more with family, possibly therapy, enjoy church again, maybe take institute or take colleges classes?